I’m Jessica, a wearer of many hats who is lucky enough to call Long Island, NY home. I am a devoted wife, avid animal lover, and all around goofball. I love the beach, music, cooking, and anything pink, and I am obsessed with traveling as much as I possibly can! Welcome to my online time capsule, I am so glad you are here :)  read more...

…its been a while…

…its been a while…
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i write this post with an extremely heavy heart…

my husband and i have been trying to conceive a child since the day we were hitched, tuesday of last week we found out that not only did it finally happen but also i was almost two and a half months along! we knew something might be happening since i was more than a month late, but after six negative pregnancy results we finally decided to see a doctor. we were so super excited after getting the news that we were in fact pregnant,we had a whole big plan to tell the people closest to us by that weekend…except we never got the chance.

two days after we found out it was our turn to finally be parents, i was in the hospital and the opportunity was violent ripped away from us. miscarriage is no joke, and my heart goes out to anyone who has experienced such a tragedy, 2 weeks or 9 months the death of a child is an absolutely indescribable feeling. from being drugged up on oxycodone for the pain to not being able to move from my couch for 5 full days, ive never had such a bout with depression. i had to force myself to go to work and live life as normal. i know life goes on, but right now it feels like i will be in this baby-less black hole forever.

how many times can you tell yourself everything happens for a reason? life is just so unfair sometimes…

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4.24.14 will be a day i remember forever and ever, hope is all i have left right now…hope that this was just a freak incident, hope that one day i actually will be a mother, and hope that this never happens to anyone i love and care for! hope is my anchor, and so is my amazing husband!

have you ever dealt with, or watched someone go thru a miscarriage? what was your (or their) way of getting back to your normal life??

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32 Responses to …its been a while…

  1. Jose A. Rivera says:

    Again, I can’t tell you both enough how sorry I am for your loss 🙁

  2. Adrienne says:

    I am sorry for your loss, Jessica. Struggling to get pregnant is difficult enough without losing a pregnancy. I’ve been there and understand how low you can feel. It was brave of you to write this – there are others who need to read it to know that they are not alone. Good luck and best wishes to you and your husband.

  3. Oh oh oh, my heart goes out to you. I had a miscarriage at about 8 weeks with my first pregnancy and it was heart-wrenching. I have been there, and you are right, it doesn’t matter how long it’s been or how long you knew about it, it hurts and you should grieve however you need to. For me, I put my faith in statistics that told me the chances of eventually having a healthy pregnancy and baby were very high (and now I have two lovely children). {I found this post from bloppies, and many of us are contributors to a book to help women who are going through miscarriage… please reach out to us if you want more information or need some support, there’s a link to the book on my site, too.} Huge huge hugs….
    Sarah @ LeftBrainBuddha recently posted…10 Ways to Ban Busy {and Still Get Stuff Done!}My Profile

  4. Jill says:

    I’m so very sorry for your loss! I hope you soon experience the joy of having a child!

  5. Jessica I am so sorry for your loss. I will not say that I know what you are going through, because I know that no one can possibly understand or feel the feelings that you are having right now. To lose a baby is a horrible thing to go through, and I would never wish it on anyone. The best thing you can do is to reflect on your relationship with your husband and how you can use this to come even closer to one another. I know it will be hard, but I know you can do it. You are a strong, confident, beautiful woman, and I know that you will only grow and appreciate life to the fullest from this dreadful experience. Much love to you hun. 🙂 Sending smiles and prayers your way.
    Megan Kubasch recently posted…How to: Apply Mineral Powder FoundationMy Profile

  6. Oh Jessica, I am so so sorry. I have been there, I am so sorry your heart is breaking right now.I wish I there was something I could say, other then I am sending you so much love and prayer right now. xo
    Rach Habegger recently posted…Sad Kids: Party Of FiveMy Profile

  7. Alyson H says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. My hubby and I had an extremely difficult time getting pregnant and eventually had to turn to fertility treatments in order to conceive our twins. I have not had a miscarriage but due to cancer can no longer conceive children and some days, it kills me and I want to scream, “why?!?!” I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason but there are somethings that occur that have me questioning this belief at times… I will keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers…be strong!!

  8. This brought tears to my eyes, Jessica. I just can’t even imagine what that must be like. Don’t give up! I am praying that one day soon you will be able to have a healthy, full-term pregnancy. Thanks for your openness in sharing this, I know you will encourage a lot of women who have gone through the same thing.
    Jenna @ A Savory Feast recently posted…25 Memorial Day Cookout RecipesMy Profile

  9. Anne Asplin says:

    I have never had a miscarriage but I have several friends who have had one. I am so sorry for your loss.
    Anne Asplin recently posted…Network Like A Pro – Tip #7 of 8 – Do What You SayMy Profile

  10. Visiting from bloppies. I am so sorry for your loss. I has a miscarriage around 6 weeks. It was one of the most traumatic experiences I’ve had. I am sending you baby dust & hope your rainbow baby comes along soon.
    Bianca @ Rant Rave Crave recently posted…Doma Kitchen Redondo Beach, CAMy Profile

  11. Morgan says:

    Oh Jessica, I am going to be praying for you and your family. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you, but rest assured that everything will fall in place, no matter what hardships life sends your way in the mean time. The most difficult things happen to the strongest people, I am going to keep you in my thoughts these coming weeks. Make sure to take time for yourself while you heal!
    Morgan recently posted…DIY Dreamcatcher.My Profile

  12. Paula Parker says:

    So sorry for your loss. I will put a prayed up for you and your husband tonight. Please try to turn to the Lord for comfort. Trust the timing of your life. You are very courageous for being able to share already. Everyone who is reading your words is sending back prayers.

  13. Joy Christi says:

    I’m so sorry that happened to you. It’s never comforting enough, but one thing that stayed with me when this happened to me was a thing my doctor at that time told me, “The body is smart, it can tell if something isn’t right, and it kind of takes care of it.” Again, I know that’s not comforting enough and never will be, but there can be a next time, a right time, when everything is all good. I have had two more children after my awful, painful miscarriage. I know many women who have had the same, don’t give up hope. It helped ME to talk to other women who went through it.
    Do you know Lizzi Rogers, writer of Considerings blog? She goes through this, and has been part of a great book of people who go/went through this, here is a link to that book if you think it might help: http://pubslush.com/books/id/1993

    Sending virtual hugs!

  14. Emily says:

    I am so very sorry to hear this. I do have several friends who went through this and there’s no certain way to ease the pain. I can absolutely relate to you feeling like life isn’t fair, because for the past year I have been caring for my son who was diagnosed with pediatric cancer. And that happened a mere 2 months after my mom passed away — I’ve been told that I was being tested or whatever, but I don’t buy it. Sometimes bad things happen and I do believe they make us stronger, but it’s so very difficult when you’re going through it. Thank you for sharing this because I’m sure it wasn’t easy to do. Sending hugs….
    Emily recently posted…A Very Special NeedlepointMy Profile

  15. Vanessa Branch says:

    Ooooh honey, I’m soooo sorry for your loss. I had a tubal pregnancy 2 yrs ago and it was very hard on me and James. We have been trying for a while, but I was also unemployed at the time. 3 months later, I was hired at the job I an at now. I had asked GOD either give us another child or get me a job. He knew what he was doing, put also I needed to be employed before bringing another one into the world. I will never forget that experience and know that little one is with the lord and come back to you 🙂 Inbox me I have a site that might help you and Greg when you guys are ready to try again. It has been 10 yrs since my last pregnancy and I thought it was never going to happen. XOXO!

  16. nicole says:

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    I had three losses in six months time. It was devastating. I promise you that it does get better as impossible as it sounds.

  17. Alex says:

    Jessica,

    I’m so very sorry for you and your husband’s loss. I am keeping you in my thoughts. One day your child will be blessed to have you as a mother.

  18. Krystal says:

    oh my dear, I am so sorry. I cannot imagine your pain as I have never experienced a miscarriage, but as a mother, I feel your loss. My heart goes out to you.
    Krystal recently posted…Copy Cat Wednesday: McDonald’s Secret Big Mac SauceMy Profile

  19. Aww…Jessica. I’m so sorry to hear of your lost. It’s a terrible thing to experience. I will be praying for you and the hubby. There are better days. I’m a living testament. Peace, Love & Blessings!
    Natasha B|Fashionably Fabulous recently posted…Model Watch: LaToniaMy Profile

  20. Jesenia says:

    Thank you for sharing your info. I truly appreciate your efforts and I will be waiting for
    your further post thank you once again.
    Jesenia recently posted…JeseniaMy Profile

  21. Megan Walker says:

    Oh my sweet lady…my heart hurts so much for you. Miscarriage is one of my worst fears in life. Have you ever read the book, “Is Heaven for Real?” I am not sure of your faith, but I would encourage you to read it if you have not. It will give you a different perspective about what happens to those sweet babies who leave us way too early. I am sending you a virtual hug! I bet your honesty has blessed some families lately.
    Megan Walker recently posted…Hump Day Happenings #10: FriendshipMy Profile

    • JDiGi says:

      thank you so much mama, i actually read the book before i had the miscarriage, and as tough as it was the thought the book made me feel a little better. ur kind words and others like you are what is bringing me thru all this <3

  22. Bre says:

    This breaks my heart. Your time WILL come. I usually agree with the saying “Everything happens for a reason” except for in cases such as this. Sometimes, evil and chaos win for no apparent reason. The only thing we can take from terrible life events like this is strength to continue on. Hugs 🙂
    Bre recently posted…Cat Eye Makeup Made Simple® [VLOG & GIVEAWAY]My Profile

  23. I miscarried and then got pregnant very quickly after. I wasn’t ready to be pregnant again and resented that pregnancy for a while.

    It’s tough to go through no matter what your circumstances are.
    Jenn Alex Brockman recently posted…Disney Sparkling Princess dolls haul and review with NoveMy Profile

  24. JoyandPops says:

    I am so sorry for your loss.
    Everyone’s experiences are so individual but I have lost pregnancies at 6 and 8 weeks, my first son was stillborn at 41 weeks. So I know of loss, and the pain.
    I now have two beautiful daughters who are 7 and 2 years old. There is hope, trust in that.
    Best of luck to you.
    Xx
    JoyandPops recently posted…Finding Joy In 2015My Profile

  25. I’m so sorry for your loss, sending you love and strength. Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts
    HonestMum (@HonestMummy) recently posted…A Magical Day at Beningbrough Hall in YorkMy Profile

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